Ashley Foreman

She goes in the direction of the wind
She hides the crazy behind her eyes
She is a delightful cascade of chaos
Her spirit is unmatchable
Her smile holds her power
Her soul is a swarm of wild
She loves to love
Deeply, quickly and unafraid
Once you are her's, it is forever

What is she? What was she? What will she become?
All these are the questions that keep her up at night.
What has she done? What is she doing? What will she accomplish in her life?
Will she leave a legacy? Will she even meet her own expectations? Most importantly, will she lead a life that her daughter and future generations of women can be proud of?
She is a woman. A mother. A wife. A daughter. A friend. A student. An employee and a hopeless romantic.
She is passion, determination and strength. She is a blazing orange fire and simultaneously, she is piercing cold ice.
She is me, simply imperfect.

I am first and foremost, a human being. I used to think I was invincible and perfect. I also used to have rose colored glasses to wear.
I make mistakes, I screw things up often, but I try really hard.
Being a woman, while much easier today than in past generations, is still a difficult feet. Do any of us ever really find the balance between self care and self centered?
As women, we are judged and scrutinized over even our smallest decisions. Breast fed or formula fed for the baby is just the tip of the ice berg. There will always be nay sayers and some old lady in the grocery store ready to let you know at the first hint of the baby's wimper that you are doing something wrong. Save it Susan, you weren't mother of the year either.
And, don't forget about being a wife in the South. Generally, I was considered a pariah for not being barefoot and pregnant. After all, it took the hospital I delivered my child at more than six months to understand that my baby was covered under her father's (my husband's) medical insurance. Apparently, they don't deal with that situation often.

I will never live up to the sweet, antebellum standards of greeting my husband at the door with a mason jar of ice cold sweet tea and a hot plate of fried chicken.
I am what I am, and chances are, that isn't going to change too much.
I am not a traditional student. I entered college directly out of high school and did way too much too fast. Instead of being rational and taking a break, I just withdrew from college completely. My rational thinking genes didn't kick in at 18 years of age. In hindsight however, the only thing I regret is not finishing my undergrad degree while it was being paid for. I do not, in any capacity, regret getting married, working different jobs, gaining a ton of life experience and having my daughter. If the price to pay is that of some student loans, then I guess I'll get out my check book.
I am a company man, pardon the expression. I will work tirelessly for a person, or business that I believe cares about me and my contributions.
I am a writer and have always been. Again, back to my lofty dreams, I began my first novel when I was in the fourth grade.
I guess I have always had the attitude that nothing was going to stop me. Not age, not education level and especially not gender.
I am all of these things with a tough exterior to the naked eye. Those who know me best know that I am a deep soul that wants to be understood and accepted for all of the good things about me and even all of the dark thoughts that cloud my brain without warning.
I am only one. I cannot do this joy called life without my people, squad, tribe, or whatever you want to call them.
I am only a fraction of importance and it was a hard pill to swallow when I realized the world will continue to turn long after I am gone.
That will be a long time from now, though. I have too many things to accomplish. Too many trails to blaze and too much ass to kick.